Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
