Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
