how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Randomize
