I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
