apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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