It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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