With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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