I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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