Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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