Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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