from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
