addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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