I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize