the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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