we have officially lost it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
