everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
