Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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