"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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