I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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