I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Less talking, more tequila
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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