I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize