My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
