no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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