she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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