Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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