standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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