So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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