im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
