There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
