Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
