Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
