Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
