all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
