woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
