"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
