there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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