so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
that is very illegal...i love you.
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