You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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