i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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