did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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