How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
