he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
