fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
