All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
