I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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