i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
