i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize