Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize