Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
