That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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