Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
