He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize