Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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