I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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