Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
