I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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