Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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