So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
