I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
