It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
