She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My dick has a subreddit
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
