...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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