how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
