Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
