he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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