My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize