I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
