You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
