I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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