did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
