When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize