Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
