the condom got lost in my hair
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
