The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
