I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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