If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Someone signed my nipple.
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